Perks of being a Khala ^_^

So it’s been a year, eight months and four days since I became a khala. I have yet to hold the little one but regardless, there are a lot of perks to being promoted on this highly esteemed status, be it a skyped one indeed.

1. You feel loved: One is at the receiving end of the most innocent, purest affection. The kid wakes up in the morning and the first thing he does is call you on his mama’s ipad, rapping out your name. You pick up thinking that your sister called only to find that she is oblivious and half asleep while the toddler demands that you pay attention when he busies himself with whatever object is around him. If you’re lucky, he may point at the window and show off his vocabulary “tlees and clows” bringing your attention to the fact that

• Kid’s a show-off
• He just called you to talk about trees and crows.

2. You feel love: This should’ve been the first one. Khair. 😛 You feel an emotion, you never knew existed. A bubble forms inside of you that someone so small and lovable has entered your world and you have a good mind to spoil them with all your heart. In the beginning its all awkward and new when you try to hold a decent conversation with a baby saying “hain?” “phirr?” when all he is doing is blowing raspberries on your face.
3. Music becomes your best friend: You memorize the Itsy Bitsy Spider because it makes him smile. You literally write down the rhymes on a piece of paper for his benefit. Not only do you do this homework, you also have class work. You are the ultimate distraction. He’s making a fuss out of eating food “Oh look there, what is khala doing?” gasps mom and you start singing, and dancing, clapping and making faces right on cue.
4. You get unintelligible messages and 3 sec phone calls anywhere at any time because mom lost sight of her phone. Sometimes the kid even manages to take and send you a photo of himself.
5. Something happens to the way you talk: Its just not normal I tell you. Baby talk comes to you on a plate of mithayi so that you’ve referred to him as mitha, shona, laddu and every edible thing.
6. You get to experience a lot of firsts: First time he stood up, pointed, walked, said hello, threw a tantrum, and made a tower of blocks all by himself. There’s something special about first times. Every time else, the charm fades somehow.
7. Online babysitter: Who knew such a thing existed but you are expected to be glued to the screen while the mum performs some chore in a hurry.
8. You start hating Tigger. And anything remotely Winnie the Pooh.
9. You become immune to the sound of a baby bawling his lungs out. (I’m kidding, you never do) But you do succeed in adding to your sister’s misery by asking useless stuff like “why is he crying?” Babies cry. Its what they do.
10. You cry too: Didn’t see that one coming. 😛 You never know when the nephew-sickness might strike and he is grinning toothily at you but you miss him so much you want to yank him off the screen. So you end up hiding tears instead 😛
11. You experience a linguistic evolution of your name: At first it’s a just a sound. A jerk of the tongue like “Beh” With the passage of time, and some bravado and mum’s constant badgering, it takes the form of “biya”. Then it just crosses all boundaries of sense and kid has the audacity to attach the wrong suffix to it. “Biya phupo” you become much to your chagrin. Right now, I’m at the stage of being “Biya lala” It’s a nice place to be, especially when its uttered with such goddamn authority.
12. Kid gets cuter day by day and since you are the khala, a case of genes is involved. It other words, it’s all your doing, it’s all your triumph. 😀
13. You compete with others: He remembers you more, recognizes your voice more, no this has nothing to do with the fact that I’m online more. Its just boo you mamoo! Khala wins at her own game. 😛
14. Every children clothing store is hard to get out of because the tininess (doubt that’s a word) of the wardrobe are a tribute to how little the munchkin with the loud voice is. Ah, you are bewitched.
15. Every time your sister is lecturing you or saying something unpleasant you transfix yourself with the tiny monkey on her lap, ignoring her reprimands with a grin on your face. Until she looks down and starts marvelling at her nincompoop too. Can’t blame her really, just charm her soft spot. 😛
16. You have more photos and videos of the baby than you do of yourself.
17. A skype khala does not have to change the nappies or do any kind of chores. You just watch them happen and give the thumbs up. ^_^
18. If the wailing and the screaming is giving you a headache, you can always ah-accidentally press that red button down there…and later blame it on the power cut messing with your internet connection 😛
19. If little kids call you auntie, you don’t mind too much anymore (that’s a total lie, I just want to have 20 points) No matter how foolish you are, however many mess-ups in your life, you are sure to pass a little wisdom somewhere that might help.
20. He’s a special kind of special. You can’t wait for him to grow up just a little so that you get to hear the things that come to his little mind. He hasn’t seen much of the world but he has his own personality already. And watching his antics make you laugh aloud with pride and joy, and you have your own khala-nephew song, your own greeting styles. There are parts from his videos that crack you up and you just can’t fathom why. That giggle that’s goes up a notch is so endearing, or his wonderment at the snow is so magical.

There are probably a lot more perks of being a khala which I will experience once I pick the kid up myself. Till then, AllahHafiz =)